A Nuptial Dilemma !

One of my good friends told me recently that she is going to help a friend of hers to marry a boy of her choice, which their parents don't approve. The pair has been trying to convince their respective parents since a lince a long time, albeit unsuccessfully; hence they have decided to marry without their parents' will in the court of law.

My friend is worried that some of her good friends advise her not to support such a marriage.

I would like to air my view on this subject.

One knows one's parents and family the best. If he/she thinks that there is little chance that the family will approve of such a relation/marriage, he/she should not fall in love at the first place; i.e, 'Don't fall in love if you know you can not marry'!

However, fortunately or unfortunately, love (in most cases) happens spontaneously and subconsciously. One discovers oneself fully within its grasp when one realizes it.
What to do in such a situation?

Now there are three options open:

* You convince your parents/family and get married for good
* You can not convince, and still go with your beloved one, none-the-less
* You can not convince, so go with your parents and ditch your beloved

One would like to have the first option...if it is open though! However, the problem/argument lies with the next two options.Personally I would chose the second option, for:

* To marry the person you love is a commitment (if it is not defined/decided/understood otherwise earlier by thepartners)
* In most cases, even if you marry against your parents' wishes, the parents later on realize that the marriage after all is not that bad... and ultimately recognize it and accept it. So, it is a matter of time before everything settles down.

I would chose the third option only if it comes to a question of 'life and death', i.e., if there is a 'realistic' chance of someone becoming so depressed / disappointed by the situation that he/she might commit suicide or there is a chance of someone resorting to fatal violence. After all, 'Life' is above evrything else!

It is true that love marriages can fail, but so can arranged marriages! (Divorces are not the only indicator of failed marriages)

I don't suggest that 'marriage' has to be personal decision. In our society and culture, marriages are socially significant occasions and everybody is involved. But there should not be a veto power! The last decision need not remain with the parents or someone in particular. It can be a collective decision, with prime importance to the person getting married.

If he/she makes a wrong decision, he/she is going to suffer...and he/she can not blame it on others. The rigidty on part of the parents/family comes not from the concern/care but from the superficial notions of prestige and ego. In any case, a good parent has to have faith in their child! Support and faith on the part of the parents result in better relations in future and strengthen family bond.

It is pertinent that when the constitution has faith in an individual that he has the ability to chose the Head of the state, he certainly has the ability to chose a life partner for himself or herself!